Teaching Woes

That's right, two blog posts in one day.

This one--I'm hoping, anyway--is more cathartic than anything else. Read it if you want. If you don't, I don't blame you.

Here's the deal: I have a class that is killing me. I would say of the 25 students in there, perhaps 3 of them actually care about their performance in the class. The others appear to hate my class and me and are even at the point that they are doing whatever they can to annoy me and take me closer and closer to "the edge." Some of them come in and immediately put their heads down on their desks before we've even started, so it doesn't matter what we're doing; they just simply don't care or aren't interested. And they have attitude..."this is stupid," and "why do you make us do this stuff," and "this class is pointless" are frequent comments. It isn't like I'm giving them busy work or anything like that; I try to make assignments meaningful. But I'd also like to add that we don't do a whole lot of "outside the box" things because they wouldn't do them. I had all kinds of cool things to do with the novel Huck Finn last semester, but only about 4 of them read the book...so what do you do? Punish the 4 who read by making them do all the work?

So this week, we tried something new. I divided them into groups, and each group looked at two poems by the same poet and had to do a tic-tac-toe-type grid that required them to look at lit elements, theme, and other things, and then each group would teach the poem to the class. The group time went somewhat okay (not as well as my other two English 3 classes, though), and I was a bit encouraged because at least they seemed to be working. Today for the presentation part, however, the first group went, and their presentation was, in a word, crap. Flat-out crap.

When they were done, I just berated the class, but my tirades have no effect because this now happens once every couple of weeks. I know a lot of this is my fault because I didn't follow the good ole teacher rule about starting out tough and easing up later. I think I'm going to have to start writing them up, but I honestly think it will do nothing except make them hate me more. But then again, what do I have to lose?

And here's the big kicker...at the end of the day, I use this class to evaluate my worth as a teacher. It doesn't matter if every other class has gone well or if I've had a great discussion the period before. I remember this class, and this class makes me feel like a failure.

Today it was so bad that when the bell rang, I went to the restroom because I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes. I spent my time in the restroom fanning my eyes so I wouldn't cry and then face my 7th period with red-rimmed eyes. I got my act together and finished my day (and thank goodness my 7th period is a fun bunch), but still...I'm dwelling on this 6th period class.

Oh, and with these feelings comes the thought that every day I take my daughter--someone whose life I can have a true impact on--to a daycare for someone else to keep so I can teach kids who don't give a rip. Yeah, that makes me feel golden.

So, I'm not posting this for a pat on the back and a "there, there...you're not a bad teacher" kind of comment. But if you've been there or know an obvious solution that I'm missing, let me know.

And I promise I'm not about to jump off a bridge or anything. I'm just kind of hating the teacher in me right now.