I know I have many things to be thankful for right now, and I am thankful for them, but this afternoon I have just felt overwhelmed. I'm hoping this post will either A) make me feel better by unburdening myself, or B) solicit any advice that may help. (If your advice is "take care of yourself and get some rest," just save it. These things have to get done one way or another.)
Here we go, in no particular order:
1--I'm not too excited about my longterm sub situation. I put off doing my lesson plans in the hopes that an actual English teacher would be taking on my classes, and my lesson plans would be something like this: "Hey, here are some things I've used in the past to teach The Scarlet Letter. You are welcome to use them, or you can do your own thing if you would rather teach your way." Instead, I have a teacher who hasn't taught English before, so I'm finding that I'm having to give very specific instructions and make detailed answer keys for everything. I probably answered 200 questions on reading guides for The Scarlet Letter yesterday. Today I tackled Taming of the Shrew, which my 10th grade honors students are going to be reading. I still have short stories to do. Oh, and semester exams. It's too much. And now I'm mad at myself for waiting.
2--I also have tons of grading to do. Because I wasn't sure what my sub situation would be, I decided to schedule most major writing assignments for when I would be there. While I think that was a good move (I don't really see my sub grading essays), that has left me with a ton still to grade. I can definitely say that I won't be making extensive comments on anything. And I definitely don't want to take anything with me when I leave to have the baby.
3--I'm very discouraged with my 10th grade honors students. Last year, I had a wonderful group who I felt actually learned something, and we had a great rapport. They were very conscientious, and they kept me going during what was a very trying year with my seniors. This year, however, my honors students are spoiled, whiny, unmotivated...and this afternoon I actually had hot tears coming to my eyes after the last bell rang because I feel like I have taught them nothing, and that makes me feel like a failure as a teacher. Granted, part of it is their fault--if they won't read or take anything seriously, I can't really help them--but I can't help feeling that part of it is my fault because I haven't thought of something great to hook them. And I'm too tired to think of something to hook them.
4--Probably adding to all these is that I'm sleep deprived. The heartburn is killing me--Zantac doesn't even help anymore.
So wah wah wah, right? I also worry that if I feel this overwhelmed without a baby, what am I going to feel like with a baby?
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7 comments:
Yeah the heartburn sucks doesn't it? Are you also doing the "going to the bathroom a million times a night" thing?
I can't believe they can't find a former English teacher to sub for you. Has she even read those two texts???
Your kids will be glad to have you back after the baby, so maybe they will try harder for you then...
The heartburn is awful--but I've been pretty fortunate with the "no morning sickness" thing, so I guess I can't complain too much. The bathroom thing...yes, I have to go more frequently, but I think my bladder was the size of a 5-gallon bucket before, so I'm not having to do the "million times a night" thing yet.
I doubt the lady has read those two texts...the other teachers in my department did say they would help her.
The silver lining is that if she is truly awful, I'll just look even better when I come back. :)
I know that I'm not a teacher, but I don't understand why you feel compelled to do so much for her. She is going to be paid for the job so she needs to do it. You do have a tendency to go overboard. I have no idea where that comes from??
Even if I had a real English teacher coming in, I would have left copies of tests and things...I just wouldn't have been quite as detailed.
I think lesson plans are the norm...
One more thing to my mother...weren't you the one who, a couple of weeks ago, took your own carpet steam cleaner from home so that your new boss would have an office with fresh, clean carpet?
Weren't we discussing your life? I was trying to make a good impression.
Dear Amy's Mom,
I like you!
Jen
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