I'm down from the ledge

So I got a couple of emails after my last post, basically from dear loved ones who think I may be "going off the deep end." (Now that I type that, does that expression make any sense? How do you "go off" the deep end?)

Anyway, I assure you I'm not going off the deep end. Do I have a bad class? Um, yes. Perhaps the worst I've ever taught. My plan is to start writing these kids up, and if that doesn't work, I might have to bring out the big guns. (I'm not really sure what the "big guns" will be. Too bad it can't be actual big guns.)

Some other questions I've been asked are these...

1. Have you considered a career change?
Yes, I have. However, before I completely change careers, I'm willing to try teaching in another, ahem, environment. But, hello, economy--hello, teacher hiring freezes. That kind of knocks out teaching somewhere else AND doing something other than teaching.

2. Have you considered being a stay-at-home mom?
I'm going to say something that I hope is not taken the wrong way, but I don't think I could be a 100% stay-at-home mom. I think I would go nuts. I love my daughter, and I really, truly admire women who are stay-at-home moms, but I also think I need a "task" outside the home.

It's also true that while I'm not really rolling in the dough, I do bring in a decent income to supplement Darryl's main income, and that has allowed us to do some pretty cool things. Could we change our lifestyle so that Darryl's income would be enough? Probably, but may I remind you...hello, bad economy. Not exactly the right time to ditch a career.

3. When did you stop loving teaching?
I don't think my love for teaching has stopped. I've told Darryl that if I could go in a teach a class like my fabulous 5th period (not to be confused with the horrible 6th period I wrote about yesterday) all day long, I would look forward to going in to work everyday.

There's an expression that I've heard teachers use on occasion that goes something like, "Teaching would be awesome if it weren't for the students." Sadly, there is some truth to that. I'm finding that apathy is reigning supreme with most of my students. And that, my friends, is a problem that I think originates at home, and there isn't much I can do about that.


So there you have it. I promise I'm better. Today is a new day. Even better, tomorrow is the weekend.

Teaching Woes

That's right, two blog posts in one day.

This one--I'm hoping, anyway--is more cathartic than anything else. Read it if you want. If you don't, I don't blame you.

Here's the deal: I have a class that is killing me. I would say of the 25 students in there, perhaps 3 of them actually care about their performance in the class. The others appear to hate my class and me and are even at the point that they are doing whatever they can to annoy me and take me closer and closer to "the edge." Some of them come in and immediately put their heads down on their desks before we've even started, so it doesn't matter what we're doing; they just simply don't care or aren't interested. And they have attitude..."this is stupid," and "why do you make us do this stuff," and "this class is pointless" are frequent comments. It isn't like I'm giving them busy work or anything like that; I try to make assignments meaningful. But I'd also like to add that we don't do a whole lot of "outside the box" things because they wouldn't do them. I had all kinds of cool things to do with the novel Huck Finn last semester, but only about 4 of them read the book...so what do you do? Punish the 4 who read by making them do all the work?

So this week, we tried something new. I divided them into groups, and each group looked at two poems by the same poet and had to do a tic-tac-toe-type grid that required them to look at lit elements, theme, and other things, and then each group would teach the poem to the class. The group time went somewhat okay (not as well as my other two English 3 classes, though), and I was a bit encouraged because at least they seemed to be working. Today for the presentation part, however, the first group went, and their presentation was, in a word, crap. Flat-out crap.

When they were done, I just berated the class, but my tirades have no effect because this now happens once every couple of weeks. I know a lot of this is my fault because I didn't follow the good ole teacher rule about starting out tough and easing up later. I think I'm going to have to start writing them up, but I honestly think it will do nothing except make them hate me more. But then again, what do I have to lose?

And here's the big kicker...at the end of the day, I use this class to evaluate my worth as a teacher. It doesn't matter if every other class has gone well or if I've had a great discussion the period before. I remember this class, and this class makes me feel like a failure.

Today it was so bad that when the bell rang, I went to the restroom because I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes. I spent my time in the restroom fanning my eyes so I wouldn't cry and then face my 7th period with red-rimmed eyes. I got my act together and finished my day (and thank goodness my 7th period is a fun bunch), but still...I'm dwelling on this 6th period class.

Oh, and with these feelings comes the thought that every day I take my daughter--someone whose life I can have a true impact on--to a daycare for someone else to keep so I can teach kids who don't give a rip. Yeah, that makes me feel golden.

So, I'm not posting this for a pat on the back and a "there, there...you're not a bad teacher" kind of comment. But if you've been there or know an obvious solution that I'm missing, let me know.

And I promise I'm not about to jump off a bridge or anything. I'm just kind of hating the teacher in me right now.

Emerging from the craziness

I didn't blog yesterday. At 9:00, I realized I could either go to bed or blog, and I chose bed. Sorry.

I'm realizing that I'm in a better mood and that things don't get to me as easily if I'm somewhat well rested, so I'm really making an effort to be in bed by 9:30. Anyway...

I mentioned in my last post that things have been crazy. As far as work goes, we've been getting ready for a visit from these people. Now, I don't know to what lengths your school prepares for these visits, but our extremely Type-A principal (and I feel okay typing that because I would say that to his face, and he knows it anyway) has been treating it as though President Obama himself were going to be coming into each and every classroom. Anyway, the visit was Tuesday, and apparently we "passed," so that's good news. I spent all last Saturday cleaning and organizing my classroom which is something that needed to be done anyway, but I felt I needed to do it before the committee came.

In addition, my juniors have been writing research papers. Any teacher who reads this blog knows what a painful process that can be. I was somewhat encouraged when we started the assignment and my students all acted that they were fully aware of what parenthetical citations and a works cited page were (they usually act as though I'm speaking a foreign language), but when drafts were handed to me with neither of those, I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. The papers are done now, thank goodness, but I realize that I now have 80 research papers waiting for me to grade. Yippee!

On the home front...Darryl's good. Amelia has been a little sickly and irritable lately, but we have discovered that she is cutting her molars, and a doctor's visit revealed she has an ear infection. For the record, I'd like to say the child never has an ear infection when she shows all the signs--pulling the ears, refusing to eat, etc.--but has one when she shows no signs whatsoever. Last night she really started seeming like her happier self; I'm wondering if it has something to do with the fact that she tried cheesecake for the first time. Man, she loved that stuff. Goodness knows cheesecake can put a smile on my face.

So anyway, add all that stuff to the normal routine of having to get up early, teaching all day, doing laundry, emptying and loading the dishwasher, trying to keep the house in a somewhat decent presentable fashion, spending some quality time with family, catching up on TV (which deserves another post soon), and such, and life has just been busy.

And this update wasn't really all that exciting, was it?

Super crazy

I realize I've been a bad blogger and that it has been over a week since my last post. The past week has been super crazy and hectic, and when I've had a free minute (and those have been very few), I've either wanted to sleep, catch up on the bazillion hours of TV on my DVR, or just spend time playing with Amelia.

Just wanted you to know I am still alive and maybe, just maybe, I'll get a chance to blog tomorrow. I know it will be hard for you to sleep now because of the excitement...

And just to prove that Amelia DOES smile for pictures...

She loves the piano. (I want to clarify that I am not suggesting that she is going to be a professional musician. I realize most kids love to bang on a piano.) It's all fun and games until the meltdown she has when we remove her from the piano. Anyway, I took these pics yesterday. Too cute!

Happy Valentine's Day...And What a Difference a Year Makes

Here's a pic I took of Amelia last year for Darryl's Valentine's Day gift:

And here's a pic Darryl took this year for my Valentine's gift:

Where has the time gone?????? Why do I feel the need to burst into "Sunrise, Sunset" right now?

Anyway, we had a really nice Valentine's Day. We spent a good portion of the day with Amelia, but then my parents arrived during the late afternoon (on their way to the mountains) and kept Amelia so we could go out to dinner. After dinner, we went to Barnes & Noble and proceeded to grab some random magazines and books and look at them leisurely at a table in the "cafe." We figured the theatres would be packed, and I haven't yet convinced Darryl that we need to see Slumdog Millionaire, even though my last movie pic (Benjamin Button) was far superior to his (the icky Valkyrie).

I should also add that Darryl fell asleep before 9:00, and I fell asleep watching The 50 Most Shocking Divorces on VH1...before 9:30.

It was a good day!

Scenes from a Toddler Valentine's Party

As you can see from this picture, a Valentine's party for one-year-olds is a pretty kickin' time:
There were four other children at the party, and their excitement level was about the same. (By the way, Tim, that's RM's kid who is "sweet as candy.")


Amelia is obviously annoyed with me in this picture. I think she just wanted to enjoy her Valentine cookie without the flashbulbs of the "mama-paparazzi."


This is when the Miss Crankypants part of her personality took over:


Here's Amelia receiving a valentine from her friend Tanner. While all the other toddlers were passing out their valentines (usually to the wrong people, but oh well), Amelia was perfectly content to sit and collect her spoils.

You see that cute little blond girl with the curls? That sucker in her hand...yeah, she TOTALLY snatched that out of Amelia's hand, ripped the wrapper off, and stuck it in her mouth. I've got my eye on you, missy.

And this shot is just so you can see her cute Valentine's shirt. With a large potato chip crumb at the top. (The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.) And yes, I'm aware her hair is in her eyes. However, Amelia REFUSES to wear a hair clip of any kind (she will pull it out in about 2.5 seconds), and I refuse to cut her bangs because she would then have a mullet. Some of my "been there, done that" mom friends told me to wait it out, so I am.

I would end by saying a fun time was had by all, but judging from these pics, do you think that would be an accurate statement???

Too much funk

I haven't posted this week for two reasons:

1. I've been busy.
2. I'm in a funk.

I do have some things to look forward to this week, however. Amelia's Valentine's Day party at her daycare is tomorrow, and those parties are always cute (and, I'm sure, just for the mothers' benefit). I'm having dinner with a girlfriend tomorrow night, and this weekend, my parents are coming up and Darryl and I are going on a date for Valentine's Day.

And oh, yeah...this weekend is a long weekend.

Love is all around.

Call me catty...

A girl I could not stand in high school (because she wasn't very nice to me) just asked to be my Facebook friend.

And I "ignored" her.

It felt good.

The dumbest conversation I've ever had with a student

I have a kid in my honors class who recently transferred from another school. He has done nothing so far to make me think he is remotely honors material.

We had our test on Julius Caesar today, and every student finished before the bell except for this kid. I noticed that during the quote identification/significance section of the test, he was writing something on notebook paper. I assumed it was his answers, and he just preferred to write on lined paper.

Well, he turned in his test and left the notebook paper on his desk. I asked him to turn in the notebook paper, too.

It was all the quotes from my test.

I took it from him. And here's the conversation that followed:

STUDENT: I can't take those home and study them?

ME: Why do you need to study them? THIS is the test.

STUDENT: Well, I know I would know them if I studied them. Can't I take it home and come back and finish the test tomorrow?

ME: Um, no. You've known about this test for over a week, and every quote on here is a quote we went over several times in class. You are supposed to study before a test, not after it.

STUDENT: Seriously?

ME: Yes. You should have studied for this test, and obviously you didn't. How is that fair to the people who studied, paid attention, and were ready to take the test today?

STUDENT: So there's no way I can make this up? Not even for half credit?

Seriously, y'all. Does this kid have a lick of sense????? I've never had a kid say anything this bogus to me in my life.

The Funny and the Not So Funny

Not So Funny: Yesterday morning, I was completely dressed, running ahead of schedule, and was about to walk out the door. I reached in the fridge to get my lunch and knocked over a jar of salsa, which fell to the floor and spattered salsa ALL OVER my pants. Fortunately, that did NOT set the tone for the rest of the day. Yesterday, salsa incident aside, was a pretty decent day.

Funny: Amelia was hilarious when I took her back to daycare yesterday morning. She had been gone since last Tuesday because she was sick. Anyway, when I walked in with her, she practically ran to her teacher and hugged her. Then she went up to each kid in there (at the time, there were only 2 or 3), as though to say, "Hey, what's up? Did you miss me?" Too funny!

The past few days...and how teaching isn't always convenient

Here's what's been going on here lately...

Darryl left early Monday morning for a business trip to Milwaukee. (He said it was cold, y'all.) He returned last night.

Monday went by without a hitch for Amelia and me.

Tuesday went even more smoothly. Amelia was a bit irritable and had a runny nose (that she has had off and on since, oh, September) and a cough, but I was able to get her down to sleep about 30 minutes earlier than usual. I was feeling extra-ambitious, so I actually stayed up until after 11:00 to grade some things.

At 2 in the morning (Wednesday morning), Amelia woke up with all her coughing and runny nose. It was obvious she wasn't going to go back to bed easily. At 4:00, after trying to get her back down in her bed, after trying to get her to sleep in my bed, after letting her watch Sesame Street to try to make her mellow out, I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to go to work, so I had to make up lesson plans and an activity on a Faulkner short story (not an easy task for the sleep deprived), and emailed them to Tim to print out for me. (Thanks again, Tim!)

Here's where being a teacher isn't convenient. There's no just calling into the office to say you're not going to be in, that you'll catch up later. Nope. You've got to plan for someone to take your place.

Anyway...so yesterday I was off with Amelia all day. She was cranky all day, but she still played, and she didn't seem to be running a fever. Then last night around 7, I felt her and she seemed HOT. I checked her temp, and it was 103.4. I tried not to flip out, which is my tendency. I tried to call Darryl to help keep me from flipping out, and he was already on the plane to come back. I gave her some Motrin, read the chapter on fevers in my trusty go-to guide, Toddler 411, and was assured that she wasn't going to spontaneously combust . Her fever did come down some, and I felt a little better. Actually, I'm quite proud of myself for fighting the urge to rush her to the ER. (Darryl usually has to be the voice of reason in these instances.)

Darryl really had to be at work today, so I stayed home. However, this also meant that I had to trudge to the school at 4:30 this morning to make some photocopies and get some things together. And oh yeah, Amelia woke up at 2:00 this morning, too. Darryl got up with her this time, but I never really went back to sleep. Apparently she went to sleep right after I left the house for the school and woke up just before I got home.

We went to the doctor this morning, and apparently Amelia has a very mild case of pneumonia, and she is going to be fine. Today has actually gone more smoothly, but--and forgive my being graphic here--I feel covered in snot from head to toe. Seriously...how much of that stuff can one small child produce?? It baffles the mind, people.

That was probably way more than you wanted to know about these past few days, but I just needed to get it out. It hasn't been fun, but Amelia has been extra cuddly, and I must admit that even though I'm sorry she feels bad, I'm enjoying all the hugs and her lying with her head on my shoulder.

Even if it means that I have a big wet snot spot on my shoulder when she gets up.

My girl

I haven't posted any Amelia pics lately, so I thought I would post these because they pretty much capture the way Amelia has been lately--smiley, happy, and Miss Personality. She also seems more "little girl" to me than "baby," I think because her hair has gotten longer. In the above shot, we had just caught her dancing to the lullaby music playing on her old-school Ipod.

The one below is the bathtime ritual of running around the house naked before getting in the tub.

Perhaps I should clarify that Amelia is the only who participates in that ritual.

Christmas Present=Rejuvenation

Several months ago, my friend Blayne told me about a scrapbooking retreat she does every year at this place. She just happened to have an opening and asked if I was interested. Hmm....two days to scrapbook when I wanted, sleep when I wanted, read when I wanted? A private room? Awesome food? Was I interested????? Um, yes.

I convinced Darryl that this could be my (very generous) Christmas present, so I signed up. I'm so glad I did. This past weekend was just what I needed.

I drove up late Friday afternoon to this inn, which was practically in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, you take this winding road, which turns into a dirt road at some point, and then, out of nowhere, appears this inn.

When I arrived, I settled into my room, and then went to the conference room, which was our scrapbooking area. My project for the weekend was Amelia's "First Year" book, and I got a lot done over the two days, thanks to this kit and some baby girl supplies I had already bought.

Anyway, after everyone had arrived Friday, we went to dinner. This might be a place to transition into food talk. If you love food like I do, check out what I ate all weekend:

Friday night: salad, Macadamia Chicken with mashed potatoes and crisp green beans, and chocolate cheesecake for dessert.

Saturday morning/breakfast: Egg and cheese strata, out-of-this-world grits obviously made with cream, fried ham, fruit, biscuits with homemade grape/blueberry jam.

Saturday lunch: baked potato bar with all the fixings, homemade chili, and chocolate chocolate chip cookies for dessert. (Those cookies were probably the best cookies I've ever eaten.)

Saturday night: salad, beef tenderloin, mashed potatoes and green beans, and brownie sundae for dessert

Sunday morning: blueberry pancakes and apple cinnamon pancakes served straight from the griddle, bacon, and fruit.

Sunday lunch: salad, chicken pot pie, herb-ish buttered bread, and chocolate cake and chocolate fudge pie for dessert.

Good Lord. I ate it all. That might explain why I feel puffy this morning.

So basically, this weekend consisted of eating, scrapbooking, eating, scrapbooking, eating, scrapbooking...you get the idea. Oh, we slept in there somewhere.

It was awesome, and it far exceeded my expectations. I knew only Blayne when I went, but I met some other great ladies and had a wonderful time.

This inn was definitely the definition of "quaint." Is it a place I would go to for just a vacation? No. But it is definitely THE place to go if you just want to get away from everything.

Here is my room (excuse the unmade bed):

"Quaint" means you might see signs like this hanging over the toilet:

This was the view from my room.


Pretty nice, huh?

I came back Sunday afternoon, and while I had a good time, I was ready to see Darryl and Amelia. And I swear, when I walked through the door, Amelia started stomping her feet in excitement to see me, and then she gave me a HUGE hug when I picked her up. I think that was hands down the best welcome I've ever received!

I have to give a big thank you to Darryl. Obviously, my being away meant he was on 48-hour Amelia duty, and Amelia is quite the active little girl. Thanks, Babe! I truly enjoyed myself!

Amy is...

Too bad blogs don't have status updates like Facebook does. :)

Anyway, I'm still here and hope to blog soon. It's been a very chaotic week. It also seems like the longest week ever.

Later...

Ready for 2009 to get better

This has been a rough week for several reasons that I won't go into here. It feels, too, as though this week was really three weeks long.

And after just one week back with students, I'm ready for another break. Thank goodness for MLK Day.

And I have a horribly sore throat and have lost my voice. Otherwise, I feel fine.

I did get a chance to attend an AP Workshop today, and it was really beneficial. So far, I'm 2 for 2 on AP Workshops. I don't think Tim has been that lucky with the recent ones he has been to. (He went to a different session than I did today.)

I just had a funny thing happen through Facebook. I received this message from a former student (whom I can't remember at all, although the name looks familiar):

I think that you might be the same Amy _____ that taught Freshman English at ____. If you are not: disregard this e-mail and the errors contained within.
I found my first English paper from college tonight in a box. Spring 2000. You gave me a low "D." I deserved it. The reason I am telling you is to apologize for making you read that paper. It was horrible. I wrote it the morning before your class. Embarrassing. I hope all is well. Feel free to send corrections to this message in red type if necessary. I still need the help, apparently.

This made me LAUGH.

Two-Movie Date Night

Considering the fact that Darryl and I saw exactly ONE movie in 2008 and that was almost a year ago (Juno, which we both enjoyed), when we had another opportunity for a date night last night, we decided to get all wild and crazy and see TWO movies. We saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which was my choice, and Valkyrie, which was history buff Darryl's choice.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
If you get an opportunity to see this movie, go. It is excellent. And take a box of Kleenex.

Darryl and I both really enjoyed this movie. Now, it's long--almost 3 hours--but it is worth it. The basic premise, as you may already know, is that Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt's character) ages backwards while, of course, everyone else ages normally. It has the whole "life is what you make it" and "every moment counts" kind of themes, and there are parts of the movie that are just beautiful to look at.

And speaking of beautiful to look at, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the beauty of Brad Pitt in this movie. I've never been much of a Brad Pitt person...I mean sure, the guy is attractive and all that, but I gave him the boot over the whole Brangelina thing. HOWEVER, there are parts of this movie where he is just perfection to look at. He and Cate Blanchett are both wonderful in this movie. Loved it.


Valkyrie
Darryl wanted to see this because he is a big WWII history buff, and he had seen some special about this story on the History Channel.

This movie was so bad that Darryl asked me if I was ready to leave about 40 minutes from the end. We ended up staying because I figured that we paid for it, so we might as well stay for it.

I told Darryl that the suspense was kind of ruined for me in the beginning because we all know that the assassination plot against Hitler obviously was unsuccessful.

Darryl said the movie was also poorly done because it left out some key parts of the story. I'll just trust him on that.

Don't even bother renting Valkyrie.

New Year's: Resolutions and Such

I'm actually at my house by myself. I can't quite remember the last time that has happened. Darryl and my parents (who came up to visit because my mom has a long weekend off from work) and Amelia have gone to my cousin's house, and I thought I'd take a few minutes of uninterrupted time to blog.

It's been a good day so far. Darryl grilled a pork loin, and I fixed hashbrown casserole, black-eyed peas, cornbread, and brownies for lunch. It was all pretty good, if I do say so myself.

I'm looking forward to 2009 because frankly, 2008 wasn't my favorite. It seemed that 2008 was tough on a lot of people--many loved ones passed away not only in our family but in families of friends of ours as well; my passion for teaching has dwindled quite a bit; and overall, it's been a bit of a roller coaster. On the other hand, I've enjoyed Amelia so much, and Darryl continuously amazes me as a father to her (and he's a good husband, too!), and we've enjoyed celebrating her milestones and watching her grow. So when I think about those things, I feel like I can't complain too much.

That being said, here are my resolutions for 2009:

1. I want to lose 10 pounds by St. Patrick's Day. There's nothing significant about St. Patrick's Day for me, but I figure I'll give myself a goal.

2. I want to exercise a little more. Wait, make that "I want to exercise." Period. I'm doing zero right now. (I'd really like to get back into running, but baby steps here. Baby steps.)

3. I want to read more for enjoyment. I typically get caught up in books I need to read for school, but reading for fun--even if it is Twilight--is good for the soul.

4. I need to make better use of my time so I can fully enjoy my "down time."

5. And speaking of down time, I want to continue scrapbooking on a regular basis. This hobby is such a creative outlet for me, and it really does change my perspective on life...for the better.

I think that's enough for now. I don't want to go crazy or anything.

Happy New Year! Happy 2009!

The REAL New Year's Rockin' Eve

I cleaned out my closet New Year's Eve:


I purged eight (!) garbage bags of clothes and two hampers of shoes and handbags from my closet.

Basically, I was just brutally honest with myself. Am I going to lose 30 pounds and fit into the dress I wore in 2000? Um, no.

But check out how well my husband knows me. Here was our conversation yesterday after my closet cleaning:

ME: You know what I finally did, Darryl? I got real with myself. I said, "Amy, are you really going to fit into those pants again? You may lose 10 pounds, but you're not going to lose 30. Get real."

DARRYL: I know what else you said.

ME: What's that?

DARRYL: You said, "And Girlfriend, if you do lose 30 pounds, you deserve to go shopping and get some new clothes!"

We have a climber.

Amelia is definitely a climber. Yesterday, she managed to figure out how to stand in the seat of the cart at Target. This isn't good.

Yesterday morning, I was putting away some Christmas gifts, and when I passed by the kitchen, this is what I saw:




Some exciting times are ahead, people.